HIDDEN ANGER

It is obvious from these "signs of anger" that anger is frequently a concealed or disguised emotion. And why not? Getting mad is scary... and potentially dangerous. One common way of expressing suppressed anger has been given a special name: passive-aggressiveness. It is releasing your anger by being passive or subtly oppositional. For example, such a person may be "tired," unresponsive, act like he/she "doesn't understand," be late frequently, exaggerate others' faults, pretend to agree ("sure, whatever"), be tearful, be argumentative, be forgetful, deny anger ("nothing's wrong"), procrastinate, and frequently be clumsy or sick (Hankins, 1993). Many of these traits and behaviors are listed above.

There is another related form of concealed anger: feeling like a victim. Feeling victimized assumes that someone or some situation has mistreated you. But a person who specializes in constantly feeling like a victim may not identify or accuse his/her abuser. Instead, he/she generally feels that the world is against him/her, that others vaguely intend to make him/her miserable. Victims usually feel helpless; therefore, they take little responsibility for what has happened to them. They think they were terribly mistreated in the past but they now seem unable to accept love and support, e.g. if you offer them help, they never get enough or if you try to cheer them up, it seldom works. A victim is much more likely to sulk, pout, look unhappy, or lay a guilt trip on something than to get angry. They play games: "Why does it always happen to me?" or "Yes, but" (no one's ideas or suggestions will do any good). The self-pitying, pessimistic, sad, jealous victim is surely sitting on a mass of hostility.

Both the passive-aggressive and the victim are likely to be aware of their anger, even though it is largely denied. In chapter 9 we will discuss "game playing" in which the aggressor plays "You're Not OK" or put down games without being aware of his/her anger. Anger expresses itself in many forms: cynic, naysayer, critic, bigot, etc. Potter-Efron & Potter-Efron (1995) describe ten different styles of expressing anger; this may help you identify your type and help you stop it.

How angry are you?

There are so many frustrations in our daily lives, one could easily become chronically irritated. Perhaps more important than the variety of things that anger us, is (1) the intensity of our anger and (2) the degree of control we have over our anger. That is, how close are we to loosing control? About two-thirds of the students in my classes feel the need to gain more control over their anger.

How much of a temper do you have? Ask yourself these kind of questions:

• Do you have a quick or a hot temper? Do you suppress or hide your anger (passive-aggressive or victim)?

• Do you get irritated when someone gets in your way? fails to give you credit for your work? criticizes your looks or opinions or work? gives themselves advantages over you?

• Do you get angry at yourself when you make a foolish mistake? do poorly in front of others? put off important things? do something against your morals or better judgment?

• Do you drink alcohol or use drugs? Do you get angry or mellow when you are high? Research clearly shows that alcohol and drugs are linked with aggression. Drinking decreases our judgment and increases our impulsiveness, so watch out.

You probably have a pretty accurate picture of your temper. But check your opinion against the opinion of you held by relatives and friends. There also are several tests that measure anger, e.g. Spielberger (1988).

A case of jealous anger

Tony and Jane had gone together a long time, long enough to wear off the thrill and take each other for granted. The place where this was most apparent was at dances and parties. Tony was very outgoing. He liked to "circulate" and meet people, so he would leave Jane with a couple of her friends and he would go visit all his old buddies. This bothered Jane; she would have liked to go along. But what really bothered Jane was Tony's eye for beautiful women. As he moved around greeting his friends, he looked for the best-looking, relatively unattached woman there. Tony was nice looking, a good dancer, and not at all shy. He'd introduce himself, find out about the woman, tell some funny stories about what he had done, and, if it were a dance, ask her to dance. Eventually, he would excuse himself and come back over to Jane and her friends. He just enjoyed meeting new people and dancing or parties.

Jane resented this routine. She had told Tony how she felt many times. He told her that she was being ridiculous. Jane felt much more anger, hurt, jealousy, and distrust inside than she let show. She was usually quiet and "cool" for a little while but pretty soon she would dance with Tony and it seemed like she got over it. Yet, even the next day she would think about what had happened and cry. About lunch time she would wonder what Tony was doing. A little fantasy would flash through her mind about Tony calling up the woman he danced with and asking her out to lunch. That would hurt her too.

Understanding Anger

The nature of the organism?

Freud came to believe in a death or aggressive instinct because he saw so much violence, sadism, war, and suicide. Konrad Lorenz (1966) believed that species, both animal and human, survived by having an aggressive instinct which protected their territory and young, and insured only the strongest individuals survived. The sociobiologists, noting the frequency we go to war, also suggest that we have inherited an aggressive nature, a tendency to lash out at anything that gets in our way, a need to dominate and control.

Research has shown that stimulation of certain parts of animals' brains leads to aggression. Stimulation of other parts stops aggression. We don't know how this works. In 1966, Charles Whitman killed his wife and mother because "I do not consider this world worth living in...", then climbed a tower on the University of Texas campus and fired his rifle at 38 people. He killed 14 before being killed. An autopsy revealed a large tumor in the limbic system of his brain (where the aggression "centers" are in animal brains). In epileptic patients with implanted electrodes, in rare cases violence follows stimulation of certain parts. Abnormal EEG's have been found among repeat offenders and aggressive people. So, aggression may sometimes have a physical basis. Brain damage can be caused in many ways (Derlega and Janda, 1981).

Aggression may also have a chemical, hormonal, or genetic basis too. A large survey of adopted children has found that living with an adoptive parent who committed crimes is less risky than merely having the genes from a person who committed crimes (Mednick, Gabrielli & Hutchings, 1984). The power of human genes is discussed in chapter 4, but, obviously, within animals certain breeds of dogs, like Pit Bulls, are more vicious than others. More aggressive breeds can be developed, e.g. rats or fighting bulls. Maybe we should develop kinder, gentler, smarter humans.

Other physiological factors seem to be involved. Examples: high testosterone (male sex hormone) is associated with more unfaithfulness, more sex, more divorce, more competitiveness, and anti-social behavior. It is also known that a viral infection, called rabies, causes violent behavior. About 90% of women report being irritable before menstruation. Furthermore, 50% of all crimes by women in prison occurred during their menstrual period or premenstrual period. By chance only 29% of crimes would have occurred during those eight days. Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) increases during the premenstrual period and it causes irritability. About 3 times in a 1000 a male inherits an extra X or Y chromosome, so they are XYY or XXY, instead of XY. At one time it was thought that XYY and XXY males committed more violent crimes. Now it appears that this isn't true but these males are arrested earlier and more often. So we can't forget our inheritance. There is so much we do not know yet.

In all of these possibilities--instinct, heredity, hormones, or brain dysfunction--the aggression occurs without apparent provocation from the environment (although there is almost always a "target"). According to some of these theories, the need or urge to be aggressive is boiling within each of us and seeks opportunities to express itself. There is also clear evidence that alcohol consumption and hotter temperatures release aggression, but no one thinks there is something in alcohol or heat that generates meanness. The socialization process, i.e. becoming a mature person, involves taming these destructive, savage, self-serving urges that probably helped us humans survive one million years ago but threatens our survival today.